Perfectly Imperfect

If brains are like the characters in the movie Inside Out, then my control panel is immaculate. There are no coffee spills on the dashboard. There is nothing sticky is prohibiting buttons from being pressed. There certainly isn't a weird odor coming from the trash can underneath. All the switches are labelled beautifully and clearly. There is also soft jazz music playing in the background. Or an Ed Sheeran CD that was borrowed from the library. 

The point is that I have been wired with a sense, or duty even, of perfection. I would get teased for this trait, though it was mostly in good humor and not meant to be an insult but the negative connotation associated with perfection lead to me to believe that this was not an attribute, but a character flaw. I started to see myself as rigid, a rule follower, and had specific standards. I lived in a world of black and white and then they would blend together, I wouldn't have a plan which left me panicked. My way was the right way and pride was something I would struggle with for many years.

I was introduced to the Enneagram probably later than most of my peers, which tends to just be a trend for me. When I read the core values and fears of the Ones, I was shocked. How did these people get in my brain? How did they know that I can't stand to be late? I felt so seen when the chapter on Ones admitted in that there IS a right way to load the dishwasher!! Because there is. The chapter was also helpful in showing the blind spots of a One, like how we can harbor resentment when others don't pull their weight, or how we are so critical of ourselves that one negative comment can make a One beat themselves up for years. The major theme I took from learning more about the Enneagram and myself as a One was that even though the title for the One is The Perfectionist, it is not meant to be negative, nor is it meant to be a way to excuse our behavior. The Enneagram is simply a tool to help us see our blind spots and areas of growth.

This blog is not an ode to the Enneagram, but I felt that I should have an introductory post explaining how I came to name this blog Perfectly Imperfect - because that is who I am learning to be and trying to lean into. Imperfection is natural in our fallen world, but perfection is the norm in our true Home. Perhaps a One can identify with that realization more than any other Enneagram number. I am learning to let go and embrace the grey that lives between the black and white. I am learning to be kinder to myself and prioritize rest as much as productivity. I am learning to listen and accept that others ideas may be superior to mine. I am learning to accept criticism from those I love in an effort to grow into a better human. I am learning to be perfectly imperfect.

This blog will be a collection of writings that don't follow a particular pattern. Some will be funny stories about my family life. Some will be lessons that I am learning. Some will be memories I want to relish in. Most will contain grammatical errors and mistakes as my perfectionism seems to stop at the editing part of writing. But all will be enjoyable to write.